Amanda, this is amazing! I am probably considerably older than you, to the point that when I was a teenager there was no internet (not for another 10–15 years). However, I still had these fantasies similar to yours and remember in the 1990s when I cam across sites like Fictionmania and Big Closet Top Shelf. The realization that my fantasies and needs had shifted/were shifting, came somewhat more slowly for me. I went from the closet, to weekend crossdressing, to transition with HRT in the course of about 3–4 years. I have now been fully out for about 7 1/2 years and couldn’t be happier.
Best to you!