Growing Up And Doing Better

Is It Ever Too Late To Make Amends?

Janelle Annemarie Heideman
4 min readOct 16, 2019
Photo by Deniz Altindas on Unsplash

Last night I did something I’ve never done before. I admitted — out loud, to someone else — that I have an addiction to food.

It’s something I am still unpacking and plan to talk about more after I’ve processed it, but it made me think about my other addictions. And my patterns of addiction in general.

Me and My Addictions

You see, in my teens and early 20’s, I had a pretty raucous relationship with alcohol. When ordered by a court-appointed referee to visit a number of AA open groups to determine if I had a problem with alcohol, I discovered that my drinking was, in fact, an issue.

As the man sitting next to me at one meeting put it, “If you are sitting in an AA meeting, asking yourself if you might have a drinking problem, you probably do.”

So I quit, kind of cold turkey. I hit the first step of AA — admitting I was powerless over alcohol — but I never went any further.

Why? I don’t know, completely. As an agnostic/borderline atheist most of my life, I never really cared much for the idea of a “higher power,” or leaving it up to this power I had a hard time believing in.

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Janelle Annemarie Heideman

Educator, writer, LGBTQ+ advocate, avid reader. Novelist in progress. Website: http://janelleswritemind.com/ Empowering the LGBTQ+ community one word at a time.