Hi Shana,

I know my experience is atypical, but I relied on online dating a lot back in the day. In fact, just about every relationship I've been in since 2012 has started online.

When I realized I was more attracted to women than to men, I had just recently moved to a new part of the country, didn't know a lot of people, and certainly didn't know a lot of women attracted to women. So I hit the dating sites.

And yes, I got a lot of people who didn't read my profile, where it clearly stated that I was trans. I also had people who seemed interested then jut faded away into the woodwork. My favorite, though, was from a woman I had reached out to. She said she wasn't interested in "people like" me, and anyways, don't we all like men?

But this is a positive tale. Just as I was about to give up, someone noticed my profile and reached out to me. She did read the profile, and in fact, already had several friends who were trans and non-binary. She had even dated some trans and non-binary people.

That was over six years ago. We had our first date in September of 2014, got engaged in November of 2016 (the only good thing that happened that month), and married in May 2018. We used what would be considered an ancient web site now: OK Cupid. Not even sure it is still around. We still refer to it's nickname and say "OK Stupid" isn't always so stupid, apparently!

Not sure why I'm sharing this except that I guess every so often something good can happen on online dating sites and apps. I get why you're discouraged, though. I think my wife and I just beat the odds; everyone's mileage is going to vary greatly.

I wish you the best of luck, Shana, whether you decide to continue with dating apps or try something else. Even if you discover dating apps aren't for you, I hope you never give up hope of finding someone. Everyone deserves to have someone in their life who loves and supports them, and that most definitely includes you!



Written by

Educator, writer, LGBTQ+ advocate, avid reader. Novelist in progress. Website: http://janelleswritemind.com/ Empowering the LGBTQ+ community one word at a time.

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